IIWII

Goodbye

"When it seems like the night will last forever,
And there's nothing left to do but count the years,
When the strings of my heart begin to sever,
And stones fall from my eyes instead of tears,
I will walk alone, by the black muddy river,
And dream me a dream of my own" - Grateful Dead “Black Muddy River”

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This is my last post for IIWII.

No, this is not by my own choice.  Last week, I was doing annual training for our company and they have finally addressed the firm's policy on E-Communication, including blogs.  By my count, I am violating at least 5 rules of our firm. 

They sent out an email a few weeks ago saying that our new E-Communication policy was going to address several new areas including denying access to many websites.  Based on the Compliance Training last week, blogs are clearly prohibited.  While nobody has said anything to me, the reality is that the pay ain't so great at IIWII compared to my job.  I just can't risk doing something stupid.  They have clearly spelled out the rules and I unfortunately have to follow them.  It is what it is.

I love what we have here.  I clearly love the attention, but more than anything I love the collective experience.  IIWII has renewed old friendships and spawned new ones.  It has given me a platform for expression and creativity.  I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed whatever it is that made this place so much fun.  But just because this site is no more doesn't mean our connection ends.  If you liked this site, please shoot me an email at joeblue3@mac.com so we can stay in touch.

And if you REALLY liked this site, throw up our IIWII sign the next time I see you.

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I'll share the final words from my last goodbye, because I think they sum it up pretty good:

This is your only chance at Life, represent.  Make "living" an action verb of the highest order.  As I've said many times, our ultimate accomplishment is to live a life that enriches the quality of the human experience.   If such lofty ambitions direct your path, the good life will most assuredly be yours. 

Live right.  If we live right, our children will learn right.  If our children learn right, THEY will live right.  And what greater glory is there as a parent?

Leave the drama to others.  Backstabbing, pretensions, insecurities – no thank you.  Life is too short for that bullshit. 

Life is hilarious if you are paying attention.  Find the humor in the little things and laugh your ass off.  And if you want to share a funny, we available!!!

Be nice.  Surround yourself with nice people.  You wouldn't believe how much connection you can find when you don't spend your time judging someone or crushing them behind their backs.

Be you.  Find your intrinsic life design and live it.  Live it passionately.

Life is abundantly good.  Recognize Life. 

No matter what life throws at you, just remember, it is what it is.

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Lay down my dear brother, lay down and take your rest,
Won't you lay your head upon your savior's chest,
I love you all, but Jesus loves you the best
And we bid you goodnight, goodnight, goodnight. - Grateful Dead "And We Bid You Goodnight"

Celebrity Sleaze

"'Cause there's always someone, somewhere
With a big nose, who knows
And who trips you up and laughs when you fall
Who'll trip you up and laugh when you fall " - The Smiths - "Cemetry Gates"

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Hats off to Hickney for losing all that weight.  She looks great.

How liberated must her abs feel?  They have been buried under 10 pounds of Cheetos, barbeque and K-Fed juice for the last 2 years.  Their hasn't been such a boundless quest for freedom since Andy Dufresne escaped Shawshank.  Except instead of a multi-year plan to escape incarceration, Hickney had 30 minutes of liposuction.  So, as you can see, my analogy is borderline unintelligible.

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The thing I admire about Val Kilmer is how committed he is to his craft.  When he wanted to play Jim Morrison, he lost a bunch of weight and completely embraced the edginess of of the character.  And lookee here, once again, he is totally committing to his new role.  In this case, it appears he is going to be playing a seal, no, not a Navy SEAL, an actual seal.  Or Shamu.  Or a grounded blimp.

Seriously, I like his dedication.  It's kind of like how I bring my A-game, whether I am with a Victoria's Secret model or just an international supermodel.  Selflessly dedicated to coital perfection?  You better believe it.  That's just how I roll, homey.

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I know I am supposed to be looking at J Lo but look at her husband's jacket.  Have you ever seen 8 buttons on a jacket before?  My goodness, Hannibal Lecter didn't require as much restraints when they paraded him on a forklift to meet that Senator lady.

Am I wrong or did J Lo lose any hotness she once had?  The Captain just looked up at me and agreed.  Now, instead of standing at attention, the Captain is looking at the picture wanting to know why someone shaved a bear and put a wig on it.  Whoa, now the Captain is crying.  (Hey, it's okay little buddy, JoJo will Google some Alba in a minute, just quit crying.)  DAMMIT!  He isn't crying, he's peeing.  Damn you, El Capitan, you little prankster.

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My goodness Jessica, what happened to you?

2 years ago, you were the talk of the town washing the General Lee in your red bikini.  Now, you are wearing your grandmother's chambray maternity pants that are TOEtally too tight in all the wrong places. 

I'm not a fashion expert, but the least you could do was try a little harder for the media.  It doesn't take a lot of effort.  Heck, even when Al Qaeda makes a video for the infidels, they usually dress the set up a little, you know hang a flag or cross some machine guns.  It is all about presentation.  Of course, that is easy for me to say when I have dreamy chocolate brown eyes that look like they were made by Willy Wonka and a smile that makes girls doe-eyed.  And by doe-eyed, I mean drop their pants.  Recognize adorable bloggers.

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Thanks for reading this week.  I hope you have a great day and the weekend puts it to shame.  Oh, and in case I forgot to tell you, Life is abundantly good.

Just glorifying life, man....

“You’re so condescending
Your gall is neverending
We don't want nothin', not a thing from you

-

Your life is trite and jaded
boring and confiscated
if that’s your best, your best won’t do" – Twisted Sister “We’re Not Gonna Take It”

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If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about?  What is there to fear? – Confucious

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Man, The Fu is dropping knowledge right there.  It is all about perspective isn't it?  Think about the worries of Life that have troubled you recently.  For me, I have had a short fuse with my kids because of their behavior.  I have not liked how I have responded, because their behavior is perfectly normal for their age.  That doesn't mean that I give up on discipline, but I shouldn't waste any emotional capital enforcing it.  Besides, in the big picture, I have 3 perfectly healthy, perfectly delightful kids.  What do I have to complain about?

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Through my observations, I have noticed other people's worries.  Money.  Titles.  Status.  Image.  Are they really anything that have lasting impact on the quality of our experience?   

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Sure, everyone has ego/desires/preferences, but what if we made their fulfillment tertiary to an existence focused on unwavering core values and intrinsic desires-family, friendship, faith, kindness, connection.  With such a Life perspective, consider what a refined, purified experience we would have---living with a sense of purpose, with a narrative arc that would be nothing short of fulfilling.

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If we Live every day, with broad, inspiring ideals, on a path that enriches and glorifies our collective experience, how can Life be anything but everything we ever wanted?

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Recognize glorious life experience.

Random

Rock and roll band

Everybody's waitin'

Gettin' crazy

Anticipating love and music - Boston "Rock and Roll Band"

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I went to Widespread Panic last night and I can't write anything creative today.  So I am going to post a bunch of pictures with descriptions in an attempt to distract you from the fact that there isn't one sentence worth a damn today.

My buddy, Little Fella, found a few late tickets and we went downtown for the show.  It was a blastyblast.  I am not a huge Widespread fan, but the place was absolutely bananas with twentysomethings rockin'.  I even saw two IIWII readers gettin' their groove on. 

It was classic people watching though.  I had a couple next to me trippin' harder than Greyhound bus lines.  They smelled horrendous but were straight hippydippin' with the cosmos so I let it pass.  Next to them was a nice family of wild-haired peace lovers with their 10-year old son who looked like the little kid from Road Warrior.  Everywhere else around us were frat boys jammin' between text messages to their friends.  So so funny to watch.

A great night indeed.

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IIWII is in the hizzy.

This is Corker with Lead Singer on her left and Tricky Ricky on her right.  They, interestingly, have taken the 2, 3, 2 formation to rep IIWII.  Nice creativity.  Corker, you are hot as balls. 

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The first picture was at the Final Four with two loyal readers.  The tall, dark and handsome fella is my uber-cool brother-in-law known as "e" (congrats on your new gig, big time).  The stud in blue is a loyal reader, "Pecuniary", whom I have never met but hope that gets corrected one day.  The 2nd picture is noted college analyst Jay Bilas and the last picture is e reppin with the Kansas Jayhawk's coach.

Ain't nothin' like seeing people throwing up 44's to represent IIWII (for godsakes people, how hard is this?  The 44's and their fingers represent the letters IIWII, with the four outer fingers representing the I's and the middle four touching making a W.  Are we clear?  If not, take a hit of acid and you'll catch up.). 

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I think I am going to make a definitive call on the proper technique for throwing up IIWII.  My main man Teej has given me some textbook IIWII's with the palms facing outward, rather than in.  It makes a much better W.  So, henceforth, the only acceptable version will be 44's up, palms out with index fingers touching.

How many of you just actually made the symbol and now feel like a complete dork?  Welcome to my world.

See ya tomorrow.

In the news...

"To the left

To the left

Everything you own in the box to the left" - Beyonce "Irreplaceable"

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"Desperate Housewives" on Sunday fell to its lowest viewership and adults 18-49 ratings in the show's three-year history, allowing CBS to win the night in viewership while retaining the demo crown.  "Housewives" averaged 15.7 million viewers and a 6.0 rating/15 share in adults 18-49, according to preliminary data from Nielsen Media Research. That's down 23% from its original average of 7.8/17 so far this season.

-Prediction #20 ain't lookin' too bad.

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The Star Ledger reports from New Jersey. “In New Jersey, the numbers are skyrocketing, according to an Oradell-based company that lists foreclosed properties. ‘In February, New Jersey rang up 4,448 foreclosures in a single month, up nearly 36 percent from the same time last year.”  “‘We were in Alpine the other day, and the homeowner has a $2.9 million home and he has an $11,000-a-month payment on his house and his payment is going up to $17,000 a month,’ said Craig Laube, president of American Foreclosures. ‘Oh, and by the way? He is a Realtor, so it happens to everybody and it happens everywhere.’”

The LA Times reports from California. “Nearly 900 Californians a week are losing their homes because they can’t afford to pay the mortgage, up from about 100 a week a year ago, providing fresh evidence that the housing market’s troubles are nowhere near over. The 11,033 foreclosures in the first three months of the year represent an 800% increase over the same period a year earlier.”

Feelin' pretty good on #26 too.  This may be a little tacky, but can I give myself Big Ups?  I'm not sure this has ever been done before.  Okay, here we go.  Big Ups to JoeBlue3 for a solid housing/foreclosure call.

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One of my predictions was of an environmental incident in China, likely contaminated water.  While I may be off on the specifics, this picture is actually a decent air quality day at the site of the Olympic Stadium they are building for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. 

China is the envy of the global economic arms race, but their water and air quality makes LA look like Glacier National Park.  Stay tuned.

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The U.S. military announced last week that it was building a three-mile long and 12-foot tall concrete wall in Azamiyah, a Sunni stronghold whose residents have often been the victims of retaliatory mortar attacks by Shiite militants following bombings usually blamed on Sunni insurgents.

U.S. and Iraqi officials defended plans for the barrier as an effort to protect the neighborhood, but residents and Sunni leaders complained it was a form of discrimination that would isolate the community.

After 4 years and $450,000,000,000 our best call is to build a wall through the heart of Baghdad?  We can't stay because Iraqis don't want the democracy we are selling, but we can't leave because of the leadership void.  My goodness, what a disaster. 

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Hillary is manufactured.  Listen to her southern accent.  The American people will see through it.  I know that seems silly with everyone a distant 2nd to her, but just wait.  And what happens if Al Gore decides to run? 

Hillary will NOT be our next President.  Write it down.  Stick it in an envelope and mail it to yourself.

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I hope this finds you well.  Have a great day.

Celebrity Sleaze

"Just sendin chunky rhythms right down ya block 
We be to blog what key be to lock 
But 
I'm cool like dat, I'm cool like dat, I'm cool like dat, I'm cool like dat
I'm cool." - with apologies to Digable Planets "Rebirth of Slick"
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John Travolta says he's as big a star as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe, but didn't die like them because of his values and religion. He says:  "I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn't go the way they did was because of my beliefs. People make judgments about it [Scientology], but often they don't know what they're talking about. I would advise anyone who wants to know about it to read up on it.”

The only truly likeable role that John Travolta has had involved feathered wings, the Sweathogs and him asking one-word questions like “What?” and “Where?”.  Sure “Grease” was okay and maybe “Pulp Fiction” would have been tolerable without the dance scene, but saying a resume with “Look Who’s Talking” and “Battlefield Earth” puts you on par with one of the most influential cultural icons of our generation is like saying that Lord Xenu has the devoted following of Jesus Christ.

Oh heck, who am I to judge? 75,000,000 years ago, the evil Lord Xenu probably did use nuclear bombs and volcanoes to kill billions of people, creating the modern Thetan problem we are all trying to eradicate today. Forget it, John Travolta is right, he makes Elvis look like Sanjaya.

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This is Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke. She does something on TV or with music, but my life isn't pathetic so I really have no clue. I would have taken the time to look it up but I thought doing some manscaping with a cheese grater was a better use of my time.

Does she think we can’t tell she is sucking in her gut?  Why do people get so consumed with their looks? Look at me as an example. I don’t get to run like I used to, so my abs of steel are now only the density of granite. But you don’t see me sucking in my gut when I enter the bedroom with the UCLA cheerleader squad. I have too much self-confidence. Plus, I lift weights with my tongue so they don’t seem to mind that I only have a 4-pack. So, go on fatty, be confident in who you are.

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When it comes to spicing up her life, the only thing Eva Longoria is “Desperate” for is a man to dominate. "I like a man to take charge,” she confessed to Live magazine. “There's something very sexy about being submissive." She also adds, "Every girl should have a Brazilian wax. It's my sexy secret,” the buxom brunette boasted to the mag. “And I only wear thongs.”

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While I applaud her submissive spirit, does she think she is really exploring new grounds with the zaniness of Brazilians and thongs?  My goodness, our Hungarian house cleaner, who looks like Sasquatch, is probably sporting some floss and a landing strip. Eva, give me something original darlin'.

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For example, my fantasies are (cue the deep, raspy movie trailer voice) about a world of intrigue where passion turns to danger, where lust leads to madness.  Where going too far is never far enough.  Where in the heart of a thumbnail sized lover, lives the spirt of an insatiable fornicator.  I actually have made a film with this plot and it is fantatic. Well, not so much a film as a short-film. A really, really short film with me as the lead character.......well, more like a homemade video.......with an odd angle and poor lighting because I accidentally threw my smoking jacket over the camera which was hidden in my dirty clothes hamper.

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Actually, it’s not really a video so much as it is 30 seconds of passion, with suspense-building questions like "is it in?" and "you're already done?".  And if that storyline isn't hot enough, the clip climaxes with the frustrated Swedish supermodel storming in to the bathroom and me knocking on the door because I want to know what that buzzing sound is, because I don’t like anyone using my toothbrush. And then Svetlena breathlessly moaning that she isn’t brushing her teeth.  Aaaand CUT.  I know, I agree, it totally keeps you on the edge of your seat.  (But, I still can’t figure out why my toothbrush smelled like Starkist.)  Anyway, if you want a copy of the film, you can buy it for $0.69 at www.JB3IsAStallion.com .

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Thanks for reading this week.  I don't know if I have told you this before, but Life is abundantly good.  I have a feeling this is going to be a great weekend. 

Yield

Wake now, discover that you are the song that the mornin' brings. - Grateful Dead "Eyes of the World"

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One of the things I use to make decisions in my life is its Yield.  Yield, for anyone who doesn't know, is the return on an investment.  It is a way to calculate the reward for your commitment, whether money or Life.  One of my biggest ambitions is to live a life fully engaged, mindful and appreciative of the here and now.  That is the only way to ensure a high-yielding life.  For example:

• My commitment to this site is an example of my search for yield.  It is ridiculous, with my work/family/exercise/friends schedule, that I make time to keep up this site.  But I dig it.  And I dig the growth and evolution of our little social network.  Can it be exhausting to make time for IIWII?  Yes.  Is it challenging to create content?  Definitely.  But I think this site has great yield, I get great reward from IIWII - both for my ego when you give me Big Ups or from our experience as I learn so much from you. 
• Whether a 17-hour day at Disney or 40 couples at the beach, I dig those trips where the day is loaded with connection and experience.  There is no greater reward for me than knowing I sucked Life's marrow dry at the end of the day.

I think we can use Yield to measure the quality of our experience.  Are you getting the return that you desire in Life, love, family, friendships or work?  I'll give you some hints to check yourself:

• When you aren't in the daily grind of life, are your experiences engaging and fulfilling?  I hope so.  I live for great moments with family or friends, whether a simple dinner, a concert or a lavish trip.  (Note: I cannot stand it when I am on a trip with people and they don't bring it.  With the inherent grind of adult/parenthood, how many great trips do you get a year?  I'm down to only a select few.  I expect everyone to represent.)  These trips and experiences are Life's nectar.
• Do you waste time on idleness or laziness?  Without a doubt, my energy level is freakish.  One of my favorite chicks calls me Nervous Ass (I think lovingly), because I can't sit still.  While she is right, it is not because I am nervous but because I can't stand not doing something.  I want to be in the flow.  Life's flow has great yield.
• Live right.  I get a wonderful feeling from kindness, optimism, enthusiasm and laughter. 
• Leave the drama alone.  Gossip, judgments and self-centered theatrics have no yield.  In fact, they have negative yield, because they waste time and are usually loaded with negativity. 
• Surround yourself with relationships that are high yielding.  There is nothing like a collective experience where you are engaged in the moment with fun-loving, Life-loving people.

If you are diggin' your Life's yield, holla atcha boy, because we available!  I repeat, we ARE available.

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If you are not fulfilled, if you are not glorifying your experience, if you are not getting what you want out of Life, you need to make some changes.  Because - chew on this morsel of sagacity - the song called Life ends.  And we have no idea if we are in the first or last verse.  So dance.  Dance like hell while the music is playing.  Recognize yield.

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Questions

Another short one, but I should be back in effect tomorrow.

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“I'm your girl, you're my girl, we're your girls
Don't you know that we love you?” Destiny’s Child – “Girl”

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Things I am asking myself:

• When was the last time I took my Mom to lunch and why I can't I remember it?
• Why would anyone ever need more than one credit card?  Maybe I am missing something, but wouldn't multiple cards mean that your budget is waaaaay out of whack?
• Will Dook University apologize to the Duke Lacrosse players who were falsely accused and then so quickly abandoned by their school?  Should they apologize?
• In Fast Times at Ridgemont High, how good did Linda look getting out of the pool in her red bikini?  Who could blame Brad Hamilton in his pirate outfit for his self-loving moment?
• Where'd you get this jacket?
• Am I going to find my golf swing before next month's Member/Member tournament?
• How did I get so lucky to have so many great friends?
• Am I as good a friend to others as so many are to me?  Recognize self-assessment.
• Why do they call it "missionary position"?
• How great would it be if you coined the name for a popular sex position?  And then overheard people using it?  Like if you overheard some stranger saying, "yeah, my wife did the JoJo Jiggle Squat last night.  It was amazing." 
• How can anyone be fired up about baseball season?  So many games that take sooo long.  I just don't get it. 
• Where have rOGERdALTREY’s rants gone?  Come on, guy, the people need ya.
• Is LaLa getting better looking every year?  Before I left for my golf trip last Thursday, I literally couldn't take my eyes off her.  Recognize impure thoughts.
• What if our company shuts down the use of blogs, where would IIWII Nation go?   
• Do some people not realize that a sterling church attendance record is the least important part of living a Christian life?
• Why hasn't my idea of a Church service modeled after fast-food drive-thrus caught on?  Can't you see a line a mile long with people asking for 2 orders of forgiveness with a side of prayer for a sick friend.  Or maybe the value pack consisting of 3 blessings, 2 prayers and biggie size forgiveness.
• Am I living in the moment?
• Are you?

Participation Post

Just a quick note on what happened at Va Tech yesterday - There is lots of blame right now on talk radio on the school's response, its campus security, and the breakdown in alerting the students.  Now is not the time for blame.  Now is the time to mourn the tragic loss of life in Blacksburg and the tragic loss of innocence on college campuses everywhere. 

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I'm still gettin' my swerve back from the long weekend so I am going to let you all have at it today.

I got this suggestion for a participation post from a reader and I think it is great.  I am looking forward to the answers because I always seem to learn something when we do these.

What are 3 "can't miss" websites that you visit everyday?  It could be a niche interest or a news site or even an interesting blog, but what 3 are your "go-to" sites and why?

Me:

1. New York Times - www.nytimes.com - a spectacularly easy website and the best newspaper in the world.  Tom Friedman is a must-read.
2. Dealbreaker - www.dealbreaker.com - interesting to me, boring to most of you
3. Gizmodo - www.gizmodo.com - I am a tech/gadget geek and this is the best site on the web to find out what new is coming out in the world of technology/media.

Drop it like it's hot in the Comments section.

Quick Hit

So never judge a book by it's cover
Or who you're going to love by your lover
Love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a venus
Lord imagine my surprise - Aerosmith "Dude Looks Like a Lady"

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Not much for ya today fellas.  On Thursday, I had a 3-day trip to Pine Valley, one of the world's best golf courses, canceled because of that nasty weather this weekend.  We were set to leave on Thursday afternoon to head to Philly, but, because of the horrendous forecast, called a mid-day audible and headed to Eagle Point Golf Club on Figure 8 Island on the Carolina coast.  I had a couple of buddies flying from Atlanta slide in to A-town to pick me up and we were at the beach in an hour and a half.  Yes, with the right group of friends, Plan B can be a pretty good thing.

Eagle Point is a great golf course that opened just a few years ago.  Despite 70 degrees and nothing but sun, we were practically the only people on the course all weekend.  We played 18 Friday morning and then played as an eightsome on their Par 3 course until it got dark.  While I can't offer a 2nd home, fancy club membership or private plane, I CAN do good music.  We brought my iPod and speakers and spent 3 hours tooling around the Par 3 drinking beer and listening to the greatest music playlist since the Big Chill soundtrack.  We went out in Wilmington on Friday night and for any tennis Heelies in the hizzy, I ran in to Woody Webb who I hadn't seen in almost 15 years.  Small world.

Saturday, we played another 18 and then played as an eightsome again doing a Captain's Choice on the big course.  With more tunes and a steady supply of Transfusions, it may have been the most fun golf day I have ever had.  Despite a great golf course and a great group of guys, my golf was atrocious.  Sting, your padjee needs to work out a few kinks before the Member/Member. 

Heard a couple of GREAT stories on the golf course from a friend that I have to share.  The first was about his childhood friend, Kenny, a very good hoops player for Dook in the 80s, who played in Italy for a few years after graduating.  Kenny was quite the ladies man.  One night in Rome, he met this Italian hottie in a bar with a phenomenal body and said "let's go back to my hotel".  They were kissing and before long she went in a southerly direction.  After a few minutes of bliss (or according to him Best. Ever.), he decided he would return the favor and began exploring the terrain.  After his hands hiked her two Italian peaks, he wanted to descend to her valley so he felt her soft, supple thighs before going north to find.................two testicles and a penis.  Yep, "she" was packing heat.  Ciao bella.

Next story.  Kenny, the same Dookie, was getting married many years ago.  Naturally, all his friends and family were together for the wedding.  He had a friend who went under the theory that if you ask 10 strangers to go get busy, you can find one who will.  He was popping the question to several girls about going behind the pool house for a quickie and, before long, found one.  After laying his rap and some aggressive flirtation, she said "meet me in 30 minutes".  When the clock struck 9 bells, he went behind the pool house to find this unbelievably hot chick wearing nothing but perfection.  Wham, bam, bang you ma'am and they were done.  As expected, Kenny's friend came back to brag to all of his friends about his conquest.  He found his boys and said "I've got a live one boys.  This girl was the best I ever had."  Of course, they wanted to check her out so Kenny's friend finally found her across the room and started describing and pointing to her.  Kenny said "are you sure it was the one in the yellow dress?" and his buddy said "yep, isn't she amazing?".  Kenny said "Dammit, that is my brother's wife."  Oops.

I got a lot going this week outside of work so it may be a spotty posting schedule.  If anyone wants to step up with their own article/comments/posting, we available.  I repeat, we are available.  And we'd preesh ya.

Celebrity Sleaze

(Carve your name)
Carve your name in ice and wind
(Search for where)
Search for where the rivers end
Or where the rivers start
Do everything that's in you
That you feel to be your part
But never give your love, my friend,
Unto a foolish heart – Grateful Dead “Foolish Heart”

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Is Fergie supposed to be a Power Ranger or the head of the Sleestaks?

I still don’t get what Josh Duhamel sees in Fergie. I’d be more turned on watching Nancy Reagan get an episiotomy.

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I don't have anything funny to say about these pictures of Halle Berry, but if you require humor to justify some snappys of Halle's boobs then you need to quit decorating your Hannah Montana scrapbook and grow some sack.  Because if there is one thing I know, it is boobies.  I even have a certificate framed in my office that says I am a boobie expert.  Sure, it's a post-it note I drew little boobies on, but I'm still certified.

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Keith Richards said he once snorted his father's ashes mixed with cocaine. Yeah, the joke tells itself.  "The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."  He has since denied his assertion.

You know, given how he looks, I wish he had snorted his father's remains.  It would answer a lot of questions.  Like, is he a soul harvester?  Or, is he actually a leprachaun on meth?  I've seen corn-infused deuces that were more attractive than this guy.

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I don't know what kind of shoes Hickney is wearing, but they must be gorgeous.  Because her Hershey Kisses can't stop staring at them. 

Either Hickney just finished servicing the cook at Ruth's Chris or she forget her bib when they brought out the chicken wangs.  Either way, a big turnoff.

Speaking of turnoffs, Tuesday I went to meet an online chat buddy, "teenluvsFILFs", at her house and that same NBC guy from last week, Chris Hansen, was standing in the kitchen with his camera crew.  What's with that pompous jackass and why is he following me?  This is how it went down when I entered the kitchen:

• Hansen: We meet again, Mr. JoeBlue3.  I'm with NBC Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" a child pornog...
• JoeBlue3: Hahahaha, you're with who?
• Hansen: Sir, this is no laughing matter and we are with NBC's "To Catch a Predator", a child.....
• JoeBlue3: Dude, you and your blue blazer are trying to catch Predator?  Apollo Creed and Jesse "The Body" Ventura couldn't.  How do you think you are going to catch him?
• Hansen (getting all pious and and uppity):  What are you talking about, sir?  Let's discuss your predatory behavior on the internet.  I have detailed transcripts of your explicit online conversations...." (JB3 interrupts)
• JoeBlue3: Transcripts?  You think transcripts are going to catch Predator.  You dumbass, you have to cover yourself in mud like Arnold did so Predator can't see your body heat.  Then you have to set a booby trap with a......"

Next thing I know I am face down in the yard with the cops throwing out esoteric legal jargon like "felony" and "intent to molest".  What was the point of that story?  I have no idea.

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All the best to all of you.

Imus

The wheel is turning and you can't slow down,
You can't let go and you can't hold on,
You can't go back and you can't stand still,
If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will.- Grateful Dead "The Wheel"

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MSNBC said Wednesday it will drop its simulcast of the "Imus in the Morning" radio program, responding to growing outrage about the radio host's racial slur against the Rutgers women's basketball team after sexist, racist remarks he made last week. Imus called the players "nappy-headed ho's" Wednesday, the morning after the Lady Knights fell in the NCAA title game.

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On the Al Sharpton radio show, Imus apologized before Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-Mich.), chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, questioned whether Imus fully understood how he hurt black women. That's when Imus lost it.  "I do understand that. How do you assume that I don't understand that? Of course I understand that! It's like the old country song, 'God may forgive you, but I won't. Jesus loves you but I don't.' So I can't get any place with you people, but I can get some place with Jesus," ranted Imus.

Imus' "Imus in the Morning" has since been cancelled on CNBC as sponsors began walking away from the show.  No word yet on CBS' Imus radio show.

Obviously, there are a lot of angles to this story, but here is my take:

• I have heard the argument that what was said wasn't that offensive or the inverse on whites wouldn't be offensive.  Of course it wouldn't.  There is no history behind black on white hate.  In nearly every black family in America, there is a story of racism or prejudice, from fire hoses to hangings to "driving while black".  To say "it wasn't offensive" is to be totally oblivious to the perspective of the black community.  We cannot possibly relate.

• I have no idea what Don Imus’ show is about (Repub/Dem, political/satire???), but Imus deserved to be suspended.  He was wrong and a person of his stature doesn’t get to make mistakes without consequences.  Having said that, his statement does not deserve termination.  He misspoke and until we see a pattern of misbehavior, he deserves a second chance.  (I hope he uses his time off to get his eyebrows trimmed.  He looks like he has two crawfish on his forehead.)

• I wish Sharpton and his verbiage police squad would be as diligent and indignant over the hurtful images and stereotypes used within the hip hop community.  Imus deserves judgement for sure, but why does every video glorifying gangstas and hos get a free pass?  There is undoubtedly discrimination and prejudice in our society today, but the most overt and demeaning behavior is coming from hip hop music lyrics and videos, the most influential medium extant.

• Before you ask why blacks get to use those words that whites don’t, please understand that after a century of slavery and decades of oppression, whites abdicated their right to racially-charged “jokes”.  There is too much history, too much emotion.  Bruce Hornsby was right, that’s just the way it is.

Let me know why I am wrong.

Jimmy Cobb - hit comments, make up a nickname and drop knowledge for us.

JoeBlue3 Electric Bugaloo

The pictures are back.  With bonus snaps.  Recognize selflessness.

I made the pictures smaller because several people said they couldn't see the whole package (recognize puns), but I may have made them too small.  I'll fix when I can.

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This was my twin bro (left) and me at the beginning of the Frips.

Scraight gangsta.

Recognize tummy.

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You wonder where I got my self confidence?  How about from looking like this for my formative years.  I wish you could see this picture on my 24" Mac monitor.  The zits look like Vesuvius about to blow.

Recognize adolescent awkwardness.

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"He tried pretending a dance is just a dance
But I see

he's dancing his way back to me" - Shannon "Let the Music Play"

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Why do I feel like everyone is checking out IIWII a little bit earlier than normal today?

There is no question that I love attention, but these pictures passed "attention" long ago and are heading straight towards humiliation.  I would rather trim my nose hairs with a weedeater than post these, but my word is my bond.  You earned 'em.

Born out of modesty and privacy, I have a request for my co-workers----that you view these discreetly and that they aren't shown around the office.  Much obliged.

Have at it.  And be gentle.

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These pictures were taken in 1984, just after my 14th birthday.  We had just returned from playing the Nationals in Shreveport, LA where I was asked by the tournament committee to perform at the pre-tourney welcome meeting.  So, in front of the 128 players, their families and club staff - probably 300 people - I did my thing to Shannon's "Let the Music Play".  Oh, and Jim Courier, Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi were in the stands.  Sure, those guys went on to modest success, but don't think for one minute they can do a quality Sideways Moonwalk.

This was me "ticking", where you do the wave but make it look like you are in a strobe light.  I am being dead serious when I say that I was one of the best "tickers" in the free world.  I got big ups from everyone our crew did battle with.  Wait a sec, did I just say "everyone our crew did battle with"?  What am I?  In Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo?

If you look hard enough, I think you can see a male camel toe.

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This was me breaking down a robot. 

How good was I?  Let's put it this way - I was asked to join Norman Chandler's breakdancing crew for the talent show at Clarke Central High School.  That was like Ghandi asking you to come teach his followers about kindness.

You might ask "what kind of hair style is that?"  I can't really remember but I have a feeling it was parted right down Main Street with wangs (wings if you aren't from the south) feathered on the side.  You might also ask "why are you wearing 9 bandannas?"  Duh.  Because 10 would look ridiculous.

Let the music play.

Thoughts and Observations

Now wait a minute, yall
This dance ain’t for everybody
Only the sexy people
So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance
Dance, I said! – Salt n Pepa “Push It”

Thoughts and Observations:

• I don’t like yodelers or their “yoladeehoos”.
• Did the cherry and dogwood trees bloom just a little big longer this year or am I just appreciating them more as I get older?
• When was the last time you held up their hand for a serious high-five from another adult?  I had a girl the other day tell me she was at the Masters all day and then stuck her hand in the air.  I kinda looked at it, because I didn’t know what she was doing.  Her hand stayed up there seeking companionship, I assume, for her fortuitious ticket procurement.  After a few seconds, I went up and slapped it.  Awkward.
• I love big blooming azaleas much more than the small blooms.  You should know that the more popular big blooms are a “Formosa”, “Satin Robe” or “George Tabor” variety.
• Who knew that fresh pine straw made a yard look so much better? 
• I don’t like the color yellow.  I’m not dogging you if you do, but I simply don’t find it aesthetically pleasing.
• Pet Peeve - web links that don't work.
• I am horrible at telling jokes so I never do.  I think most people who tell jokes don’t realize how hard it is and don't realize they are getting a perfunctory laugh.
• A surefire way to tell if someone hates you is if they give your baby a baby pajama with the buttons in the back.  How else do you explain the whole flip the baby and listen to them scream while you keep their face in the cushion so you can button up the back?  Yep, they hate you and your baby.  (If one of you gave us those pajamas, thank you so much, Jane looks so cute in them.)
• I think people who played sports at a high level are much less likely to use the term “choke” than those who didn’t. 
• I can’t prove this, but I think clothing companies are making clothes bigger and NOT adjusting the sizes.  I have had the same waist size for 15 years and new clothes are fitting a little looser, yet I haven't lost any meaningful weight.  I think clothes companies are adjusting for America’s expanding waist lines.
• Do you have a home security system?  How often do you use it?  We pay $30/month and we don’t even use it when we leave town.  Now that I put that out there, I really hope that the IIWII Nation is devoid of burglars.
• Gainesville is Titletown, USA.  I didn’t see any of last week’s game, but Billy D. is a stud.  It is truly remarkable what the University of Florida has accomplished in football and basketball.  And my main man, the Big Swede, may add another national title to their collection with the women’s tennis team.
• Why are there so many buttons on a DVD remote control?  I have seen submarine control panels with fewer buttons.  I can handle “menu”, “play”, “forward” and “back”, but after that I am lost.
• I had a couple of really big meetings in Miami a few weeks ago.  How is it possible that my face broke out for them like it was junior prom week?  LaLa said I looked like I had chicken pox.  Nice girl, that La.

Share'em if you got'em.

Pay attention.  Life is hilarious.

Stuff

“Tough to be, but life ain’t over
Just because your man is gone
Girl, love yourself and love to love
‘Cause without him your life goes on” – Aretha Franklin “A Rose is Still a Rose”

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I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend.  Aside from a little chill, okay a lot of chill, it was a beautiful weekend.

We took the Freaks to the Atlanta Aquarium on Friday.  In case anyone was wondering, we weren't the only people with that idea.  In fact, Disney looked abandoned compared to the crowds at the aquarium.  JB3 was getting a little claustrophobic in some of those walkways.  And the sad thing is that if you asked our kids what was their favorite thing, MAYBE they'd say the beluga whales, but in all likelihood it was the upgraded version of a Burger King playground.  So I could have saved $100, 3 hours driving and a chaotic sea of humanity by buying a Whopper and letting them loose?  Hey, it's what we do.  They are the center of your life or they are not.

Here is a GREAT idea for the next time you are frustrated with crowds.  Start paying attention to the tension of other people.  LaLa and I were practically in stitches listening to some of the people yelling at their spouses, their kids and even other patrons. 

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Democrat Barack Obama raked in $25 million for his presidential bid in the first three months of 2007, placing him on a par with front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton and dashing her image as the party's inevitable nominee.

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IIWII has long said that Obama’s candor and optimism would be an appealing contrast with Hillary’s jaded, poll-driven persona. I am not surprised at his fundraising ability.  And for anyone who reads IIWII, you shouldn't be either.

Where it will get interesting will be when Hillary wants to get ugly as politics often does.  Given Obama's insistence on a "new politics", how will he respond?

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Speaking of Hillary's persona....

Half of voting-age Americans say they would not vote for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) if she became the Democratic nominee for president in 2008, according to a Harris Interactive poll last week. Nearly half of the respondents said that they dislike Clinton’s political opinions and Clinton as a person. Fifty-two percent of people also said that “she does not appear to connect with people on a personal level.”

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“Doesn’t connect on a personal level” – Isn’t that what I have been saying for 2 years? Hey, Harris pollsters, save some money and just read IIWII - Hillary is not electable.

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A Western drought that began in 1999 has continued after the respite of a couple of wet years that now feel like a cruel tease. But this time people in the driest states are not just scanning the skies and hoping for rescue.  Some $2.5 billion in water projects are planned or under way in four states, the biggest expansion in the West’s quest for water in decades. Among them is a proposed 280-mile pipeline that would direct water to Las Vegas from northern Nevada. A proposed reservoir just north of the California-Mexico border would correct an inefficient water delivery system that allows excess water to pass to Mexico. In Yuma, Ariz., federal officials have restarted an idled desalination plant, long seen as a white elephant from a bygone era, partly in the hope of purifying salty underground water for neighboring towns.

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The scramble for water is driven by the realities of population growth, political pressure and the hard truth that the Colorado River, a 1,400-mile-long silver thread of snowmelt and a lifeline for more than 20 million people in seven states, is providing much less water than it had.

When the globe is fighting for water resources in the future, just remember where you heard about it first.

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As for my Masters predictions, I was wrong (European winner), wrong (Tiger outside the top-10) and right (Lefty outside the top-10).  For my gameday wagers yesterday, CRUSHED it.  3-0-1.  Cha-ching.

On the 7th hole yesterday with about 5 guys right at the lead, I turned to a buddy and said that Zach Johnson was going to win.  I'm not always stupid.

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Let's have a great week.  And in the words of my padna, let's make a difference.

Celebrity Sleaze

If I were to ask you what you would do with yourself?
If I were to tell you would you just talk to yourself?
(Am I asking oh for so much?)
I`m not asking to be understood
(Am I asking oh for so much?)
I`m just looking for a brand new friend. – Lloyd Cole and the Commotions “Brand New Friend”

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Kelly Clarkson was spotted greeting several fans at the beach recently.

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(Must.....resist.....jokes......be nice be nice be nice.....look at the pretty waves.....my god that girl's bikini must be made from parachutes.....think good thoughts.....ocean, fish, whales....no, not whales, nothing about beached whales....sand, cool sand, sand chafes, I bet her thighs are chafed....stop it......abort...abort.....)

Yep.  It seemed like a really swell day to go to the beach. 

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Halle Berry got her star on Hollywood's walk of fame. Halle told the audience, "I cannot tell you how good it feels inside me right now. I wish you all could be inside me right now to know how it feels."

So do we Halle. So do we.

s

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Jessica Biel is starring in a comedy with somebody about something funny.  I kind of lost interest in the plot after these screen shots surfaced.

-

It is absolutely perfect that these pictures surfaced so now I don’t have to waste 2 hours and $8 on this movie. This is undoubtedly the best scene in the whole movie. Now I'll be able to spend those two hours crocheting blankets for orphans in Darfur or finalizing the gene sequence in DNA to eradicate disease.  Or maybe I'll finally finish the 8 foot Jessica Biel portrait I've been working on...ok, maybe an 8 foot portrait is a little exaggeration.  She's probably more like 4 ft because I painted her bent over.

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She's just Jenny from the block - and Bronx-born Jennifer Lopez proved it to fans yesterday when she went back to the old neighborhood to sign copies of her new album. As J.Lo alighted from a black Cadillac Escalade - looking every bit the star in jeans, a white tank top under a see-through blouse and covered in diamonds - fans behind barriers, standing on vehicles and hanging on light poles chanted her name.

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"We have a huge star who recognizes where she came from," said 30-year-old Erika Lopez, no relation, standing in the throng waiting for J.Lo to arrive at the F.Y.E. record store on Jerome Ave.  "She's letting us know that she loves us and loves her borough."

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This is such bs. How can being chauffered from your penthouse on the Upper East Side with your hairstylist and makeup artists in tow be considered “knowing where you came from”? Or the audacity to show up in a working class neighborhood looking like you were dipped in diamonds under the illusion that you are still Jenny from the Block?

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It is disappointing to learn that such duplicity is recognized as "keeping it real" for your 'hood. Particularly for someone as hardcore gangsta as I am. Back when I was bangin’ with the Frips (the Frierson gang emulated the Crips, a popular LA gang), I was always reppin’ for my peoples. And you know what? Despite my global reputation as a financial rainmaker, I still am.

-

Just a few weeks ago, the Frips called on some of us OGs to retaliate when a crosstown rival did a drive-by in our hood. Because I am down with my set, I immediately excused myself from a 401k presentation, put on the Frip’s signature pink Izod and Tretorns, grabbed a Jack Kramer tennis racket and went to the gang fight.   Sadly, our topspin forehands were no match for their arsenal of handguns and sawed-off shotguns.   How did I survive the slaughter?  Fortunately, none of the rival thugs had the sense to look under the car where I was hiding.  Scraight Frip till I die.

=

I poured many Schlitz 40oz bottles on the ground to remember our dead Frips from that battle. Except replace “poured many Schlitz 40s on the ground to remember our dead Frips” with “drank many 12-year single malts after a squash match at the club while watching the market recap on CNBC”.  Recognize thug life.

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Thanks for reading this week.  I hope you have a great Easter weekend. 

Masters

The Masters is here and so begins one of the great weeks in sport.

Did you know?

• The name Amen Corner, referring to holes 11, 12, 13, was first coined in 1958 by a Sports Illustrated writer who borrowed the phrase from an old jazz recording "Shouting at Amen Corner" by Milton Mezzrow.
• The "big oak tree", standing sentry behind the clubhouse, was planted in the late 1850s, making the tree approximately 150 years old. 
• Typically, a multiple winner will only have one green jacket, which he keeps for the first year and then is stored at the Club.
• Nick Faldo is commonly remembered for his great comeback against Greg Norman in 1990 where he made up 7 strokes on the final day to win.  Many forget that Tiger Woods also made up 7 strokes in 2005 to achieve victory.
• Did you know that in Tiger's first Masters win in 1997, he shot a pedestrian 40 on the opening 9 holes?

Predictions

• A European wins this year.  Is it Luke Donald's time?  Or maybe Paul Casey?
• Tiger is near the lead going in to the weekend, but fades on Saturday to finish outside the top 10.
• Phil doesn't finish in the top 10. 
• Someone makes a hole-in-one on #16.

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Give me your predictions.  The most outlandish call that comes true gets a new IIWII t-shirt.  (yep, new design coming soon) 

Change

I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you.
The future's open wide! - Modern English "I'll Stop the World"

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If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?  Is it something you REALLY want?  Then why haven't you engaged in changing it?

Do you want to be a better parent?  Listen, teach, connect, talk, play and read with your kids today.  And then do it again tomorrow.  And the day after.

Do you want more professional accomplishment through new challenges or greater rewards?  Match a great work ethic with behavior that emulates your professional idol.  For me, it's my Dad.  Nobody works harder and I mean nobody.  And he always does the right thing.  If you will do those two things professionally, distinguished accomplishment is virtually assured.

Want to lose weight?  Do you know how easy the formula is?  Eat less calories and exercise.  Do you know how hard execution is?  We have the fattest population in the world.  Why?  Because we don't change destructive behavior.  An example is the fatties on the scooters at Disney?  None of them were cruising with a fruit bowl or tofu salad.  They all had Cokes and ice cream.   If, for the next 7 days, you replace soft drinks/coffee refills with water, watch your portion sizes and exercise every day, I predict you will see enough weight loss to create momentum to lose all of the weight you dream of.  But that weight will never come off if "tomorrow's" diet doesn't become today's commitment. 

If our ultimate accomplishment is to lead a life that enriches the quality of the human experience, how can improving and refining your experience not be part of your everyday existence?

Change is the mother’s milk of progress and a wellspring for achievement.  A commitment to improving your experience can be the genesis of something truly life changing.   

Today’s dawn is an opportunity to live our lives a little better than we did yesterday. It all begins within.  Represent.

Celebrity Sleaze

I get up, and nothing gets me down. 
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around. 
And I know, baby, just how you feel. 
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real - Van Halen "Jump"

===========================================

Jada Pinkett Smith told Tango magazine some of her secrets to keeping her marriage with Will Smith hot - "La Perla lingerie­ almost every night."  And what part of her does the Pursuit of Happyness star like?  "He likes the curve from my torso to my hip."

Look how happy Will Smith looks in that picture.  Do you sense the warm, knowing embrace shared between two people who are totally committed to the other's happiness?  Do you see Big Will's sated glow reflecting his wive's selfless adherence to her wedding vow to copulate in good times and bad? 

Ladies---Lace.  Sheer.  Low cut.  Frilly.  Satin flyaway babydoll with matching silk panty.  This ain't rocket science.  Represent for your peoples.

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Christina, a couple of points to consider:

What is the point of a turtleneck if your yoohoo is flapping in the breeze like the flag at the top of Everest?  Recognize contradictions.

Why on Earth would you wear a see-through dress if you were going to wear a bullet-proof bra precluding any actual "see-through"?   You are defeating the sole purpose of the dress. Consider me for a minute.  In addition to the sexiest acne scars since that Scorpion who raced Danny Zuko at Thunder Road, I have dynamite cheekbones and a pair of chestnut eyes that just don't quit.  Basically, I am adorable, but you don't see me walking around in a welder's mask, do you?  (That is, unless La wants me to bring the heat.  tssssss) 

Xtina, we aren't checking out your photograph because you save orphaned ponies from the dangers of the wild.  Let 'em rip, sista.

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A church guard ordered a photographer at gunpoint to stay clear of Britney Spears yesterday.  Britney had just left a Presbyterian service when the paparazzo followed, halting traffic and driving close to an officer.  It was enough to make the suspicious guard halt the lensman's car at gunpoint.  He then hauled the terrified man out of his Lexus, handcuffed him, and sat him down by the side of the road. 

A takedown in a church parking lot?  This could only happen to Hickney.  But the story doesn't even address the most disturbing part - how this guard holds his gun.  I haven't seen someone with a gun look that effeminate since Barney Fife.  Aunt Bea looked more masculine catching butterflies for Opie's science project.  This guy probably stopped the car saying "Halt, in the name of the law!  By golly, mister, you scared the dickens out of me with your zany navigational skills!"  If it was me, I'd do a tuck and roll on the ground, come up holding the gun sideways like they do in the movies and say cool things like "Yo, chill, bitch or I'm finna smoke yo gotdamn ass!"

==============================================

It looks like Hickney may have dropped a few lbs in rehab, but she still ain't bringin' the sexy.

This is obviously a rough time for her. But, if she can get her body back to the sexiness that made her famous (right), I'd like to offer that my lovemaking is said to have emotional healing properties. I'm not sure if it can heal a broken heart, but I once visited a sophomore at UGA in a coma to see if I could cure her. After only a few minutes and 20 cc's of semenicillan, this precious girl miraculously regained the ability to see and scream and lock herself in the bathroom. Though, now that I think about it, I might have been in the wrong apartment.

s

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x

Over 1,300 hits yesterday and we managed to hit the required 40 comments as the bell tolled.  If I could ever get some of you lurkers to comment, we'd have a helluva good time on IIWII.  I'm taking the snappysnaps to Wolf Camera today to get them in .jpeg format.  Monday is JoeBlue3 Humiliation Day.  You earned it.

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Life is abundantly good.  Have a great weekend.

Participation Post

"Now people lovin' me and hatin' me, treatin' me ungratefully
But not knowin' that they ain't makin' or breakin' me
My life I live it to the limit and I love it" - Jennifer Lopez "I'm Real" featuring Ja Rule

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It seems that there is a groundswell of demand for a picture of me breakdancing in my parachute pants (with the requisite 12 bandanas).  And by "groundswell" I mean VAst and an anonymous poster.  Here is the dealie, if we get 40 people to participate in this post by Friday's Celebrity Sleaze, I will post a few snappysnaps.  And just to entice you, the parachute pants are so tight they make Under Armour look like a pair of MC Hammer pants.  Recognize sculpted packages.

Bring it.

1. How did you propose or get proposed to?
2. Count the number of times you and YOUR SPOUSE have shared coital bliss in a public place.  Is it over or under 5?
3. What do you most value in your friends?
4. What is an underrated attribute that you appreciate in someone?
5. If you were to die and come back as a "thing", what would it be?
6. If you could change your name, what would it be?

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Me first.

1. La and I were at Blackberry Farms (old school Blackberry, uber-romantic, but not quite as luxury as today) on the Tennessee side of the Smoky Mountain National Park.  We went on a hike to the top of one of the mountains in the park.  We carried a little lunch box in our backpack and I had the people at Blackberry type up on their menu stationary "Lisa, will you marry me?".  We were at the top of this beautiful mountain so I asked La to read what we were having for lunch.  She opened the box and saw the ring and the "m